You Are Bliss At Your Core

You are bliss at your core. It is in my heart, it is in your heart. I close my eyes and greet myself, my heart, my true self, bliss, deep love. As I breathe into how it feels in my body, sweet, warm, a high tone, it grows bigger. It expands as I open my eyes and see the bliss in you, the deep love that is in your heart, I am delighted how this sweet energy grows when given this loving awareness. Lately, I am amazed what a miracle life is. The discovery of this bliss consciousness in my heart and in all things, seeing it in your heart is opening the awe and wonder that we are so much more than we know.

My intent is that my experience opens your heart and inspires you to explore your journey of who you are and your own unique special beautiful path of awakening that is yours. My higher guidance says that this is available now to more people than ever before because as more people awaken this consciousness grows on the planet. Awakening that we are more than our stories, more than our identities, more than our minds, for me, that more is bliss. What is yours?

It is fascinating to me that the bliss is quiet and independent of anything I am experiencing in my mind, emotions or situations. It is an ever present sweetness that is subtle and not so subtle at times. Peaceful, loving, connected, nothing and everything. Vast and beautiful. My first glimpse at anything close to bliss was my raving days. There was an ache in my heart that was awakened that I could experience something beautiful, something more than the confusion I had at that time but I wasn't sure what it was. The experiences I had in my twenties, dancing and being free, was a window into ecstasy, but once the party was over, my life returned to the small me who didn't have the courage to be all that I am. But the music opened a remembering in me, the people I met, dancing with me all night were my tribe. Their acceptance of me exactly who I was and the freedom I felt dancing and expressing my spirit was as close as I ever felt to this bliss. When I met my husband, I came closer to the bliss. It would last for a moment. Sitting next to him I would feel my body light up with energy or sitting in the car holding hands listening to a deep progressive house track, the bliss would come for a moment. Wow, that was amazing I would think, but I had no idea that the bliss was me.

I have been actively seeking something but not sure what it was since I was 18. I knew there was something greater happening metaphysically or beyond what my eyes and ears could see and hear. Looking back I had experienced many spiritual experiences that were profound but I had no context in which to put them in so they weren't included in my mind's perception and understanding of life. Luckily, my grandmother would speak to me of telepathy, crop circles, past lives, angels and most importantly, that I was special and unique. I can remember the moment she told me that. Something that is true for all of us, we are all unique, like our fingerprint, and we are special beyond belief. I wasn't raised in a religion so I didn't have those teachings to muddle my direct experiences of my own divine connection. In my seeking and reading which was voracious, as I swear I have every metaphysical book ever written, the book that stood out to me the most was one I got about kundalini written by an awakened master, Muktananda. He spoke of the awakening process of the Self. I didn't understand it then but just like the conversation with my grandmother, it was burned into my awareness and memory. Ten years later, a friend who was a devotee of Siddha yoga brought over a chanting tape that was Gurumayi, Muktananda's student who is now the guru of Siddha yoga. While chanting the mantra, Om Namah Shivaya with my two friends, I was filled with an ecstatic energy and when I looked at my friend, her face was a brilliant blue. Whoa! I was filled joy and couldn't stop smiling. My mind couldn't understand what was happening and in trying to figure it out brought me back to normal consciousness. The experience was again filed away as I continued with the usual chakra balancing meditation I was taught by one of my teachers. The chakra meditation really helped me clear beliefs, past lives, and old stories that were blocking me, but never a feeling of bliss.

Four years later, after I moved to Oakland, my friend invited me to attend a Shaktipat Diksha at the Siddha Yoga center in Oakland. I was psyched! In Sanskrit Shaktipat literally means descent of power. And Disksha is an initiation. A Shaktipat initiation is where an awakened guru, Gurumayi transmits divine energy and awakens the kundalini shakti or divine energy within the inner spiritual energy. This is an inner journey that liberates a seeker from the experience of separation and the experience that one is a divine being or the experience of the Self. This was an amazing day and I was moved beyond words the whole day as I experienced an ecstatic state. Once leaving the center and out to dinner at sushi that night I felt the ecstatic energy dissipate.

After that day I was able to experience a much deeper meditation and shifted my meditation practice to chanting the mantra Om Namah Shivaya, I bow to my inner divine Self. But in my daily life I wasn't able to access the bliss. Eight years later, this last August 2017, my experience of the full solar eclipse was powerful. I wasn't able to put my finger on what was happening for me until a month or two later. At first I felt ecstatic, bright, delightful, clear and much younger. I had a hard time putting linear thoughts together and only wanted to stay in an elevated state which doesn't require thinking. Luckily, being a mom of young children allowed me the grace to stay in an elevated state with the kids while at home. At the same time I also began to experience deep rage and agitation. At night my body felt like I was hooked up to some electrical machine as my nerves were surging and my body would tremble. This experience grew and grew until I wondered if I was having panic attacks? I read up on it and realized panic attacks don't last very long. My hands were trembling and I had to hold my physical body back from shaking I was getting scared. What the F was wrong with me? That day for the first time I can remember, all of my clients cancelled and I had an appointment with my Network Chiropractor. As I left her office and felt grounded in my body for the first time in over a month, I had the guidance to just let go into and meditate. So I spent the day at my office meditating for the day. And the insight came, "Oh! This is kundalini!" Once I relaxed into the shaking it took over my body and once I wasn't making up a story that there was something wrong with me it intensified, but I felt a delightful bliss spread over my body and awareness. The deep smile returned I had, had when I saw the bright blue in my friend's face. The shaking began to feel good as I relaxed into it and allowed it to move my energy.

This shaking continued for about 6 weeks. It was visual to those around me and I was unable to think linear thoughts during this time. This lasted until I got sick for a 48 hour period where I thought I was having gall stones, the organ pain and releasing from both ends was crazy. I even went to the emergency room where they told me I was fine. I knew in my heart, it was an energy clearing. For the next 2 months I worked through rage, migraines, organ pain, and old trauma. The experience of bliss would come and go during this time. When I was in meditation, by myself, or with clients the bliss would be present. But when I would enter back into my family life where I was the most triggered, the uncomfortable issues would arise and I would enter back into separation and the bliss would stop. Come and go, come and go.

As of a few weeks ago, I have been able to hold the bliss all day with my family and it comes and goes at a more frequent cycle. For example, I awake, meditate, feel bliss, make breakfast, get my two year old twins up, potty train, console crying, try and ground my six year old who is grumpy. Come out of bliss. Come back to self as I am washing my hands, ahh I can feel myself, bliss. Get kids in the car, some tantrums lose the bliss. In the car singing wheels on the bus feel the bliss again. The times it is the strongest are when I am in meditation or when I am serving by teaching, writing, with clients, or the best is when I am seeing the person I am with as a divine being. I am feeling in awe of their spirit and devotion to witnessing their unique beauty and uniqueness. So I invite you to try it! See everyone you see as a divine being of love and see how you feel after 5 minutes of practicing. This has been the easiest practice to immediately feel the joy and the bliss. Enjoy and lots of love to you.


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